A million reasons why I think you can find me another flight

UPDATE: Even the ever mild mannered super model Naomi Campbell is getting p.o.ed by all the problems with air travel these days.

In a recently flied lawsuit, a New York lawyer is suing Delta for One Million buckaroonies for ruining his family vacation. Now I'm not one to support totally frivolous lawsuits, BUT, while this case seems a little out there, I do think it has some merits, and represents the frustrations of the flying public everywhere. The reason I kinda agree with the guy is the outrageousness of the timing and the airline's response. He and his family left for his trip on December 20th, hoping to get to Argentina for his mom's 80th b-day. After he missed his connecting flight in Atlanta, he was told that Delta could not get him to Argentina until JANUARY 8TH! I mean c'mon, there's absolutely no way that the airline could not have found a few seats on one of their own planes or another carrier for over two weeks.

Again, we come back to the theme of customer service. These airlines are so worried about saving their financial asses in the short term, that they can't see the forest for the trees. I mean if they had put this guy and his family on another flight that day or the next, on a Delta plane or some other airline; or in first class or business class within a day or two, they would have solved the problem and probably gained a customer for life. Instead they screwed him to save a few bucks and in return got a million dollar lawsuit and a crap load of bad press.

Outsourcing our safety

Now I'm not one of those folks that automatically assumes everything outsourced to a foreign country is inferior. However, when it comes to airline safety, it would seem that the folks charged with protecting us, the FAA, should have ready access to those maintaining our planes. However, as the Today Show discussed this morning, airlines outsourcing of plane maintenance abroad makes FAA inspectors virtually powerless to adequately inspect these planes and ensure that proper maintenance practices and procedures occur. Here's a brilliant idea, how about taking the few trillion we've spent on the 6 year war in Iraq, a war that has cost the lives of tens of thousands, and spend a fraction of that money to protect the lives of millions in the traveling public. Radical idea huh?

The rich get richer...the rest of us get screwed

UPDATE 2: United has followed AA in accessing a bag fee to us sorry saps in economy class. It's a matter of time until the rest follow. They keep blaming this on rising fuel costs. If and when fuel prices come down they better give us back our "perks." But I have a suspicion that we'll never see free bag checks again.

UPDATE: According to an American Airlines press release, the fee is $15 for the first bag, EACH WAY of a round trip flight. So it's really $30 for one bag and $50 for the second. So a year ago traveling with two checked bags cost us bubkiss, now it will cost $80.

American Airlines just announced they will begin charging $15 for the FIRST checked bag on a flight, on top of the previously announced $25 for a second bag. As outrageous as the premise of this announcement is, given that you now have to pay for EVERYTHING on a flight, the fact that they will NOT be charging elite frequent flyer members and those with "premium" tickets is even more insane and insulting. Ok, so the folks that can most afford an extra $15 bucks, the corporate execs., the celebrities, the generally well off, get a pass, while the rest of us, with our credit card debt, our energy costs, our food price increases, must now subsidize an industry that is in a decline of its own making. Typical.

Just when you thought you could relax

The amazing thing about my fear of flying is that I'm only scared while in the air. When I'm on the ground, taxiing, landing, whatever, I'm straight shits and giggles. That's why the most recent story regarding the real "danger zone" of flying being when you're on the GROUND was disturbing to say the least.

I mean seriously, in an age in which I can see, in real time, everything from the weather in Sri Lanka, to the location of an ex-roommate's apartment in San Francisco, to what's on Tuesday's menu at our new favorite restaurant in Paris, we have a lot of technology out there, and yet somehow pilots and air traffic controllers can't see each other on the ground. It's absolutely pathetic. Somehow our government justifies spending 1/2 a trillion a year on the defense budget to keep us "safe", while the real risk to our lives is taxing out on runway 2E at Laguardia. What a country.


P.S. The flying experience on the honeymoon to Paris/Italy lived up to all the hype: AirCanada was amazing, the most relaxing and dignified travel experience of my life; easyjet, no frills but they had the most beautiful (male) flight attendants we've ever seen; and Lufthansa, efficient, orderly, very German.

We Love TV, Chips, and Flying Couches

Well, despite the recent ranking of JetBlue as the best airline for things like, finding lost bags, and being on time, and reasonable prices, I have NO DOUBT in my mind that the real reason for being numero uno is the chips (unlimited on cross country flights) and the free TV. JetBlue has smartly managed to transport us from our living rooms to our meetings, schools, vacations, without every having to leave our living rooms. And now, with all this stuffing our faces with chips, JetBlue allows us to stretch out our girthy bodies by brilliantly offers us more room! (for just an extra 10-20 bucks). Absolutely genius.

Canada Rocks, Orbitz Sucks

So we're off on our delayed honeymoon to Paris/Tuscany next Wednesday. Flying AirCanada from Montreal to Paris, then Easyjet (the JetBlue of Europe) from Paris to Venice, and finally returning from Florence through Paris ending up in Montreal.

However, we got a frantic call yesterday from Orbitz telling us that instead of the nice and easy direct return flight from Paris to Montreal we were going to have to fly to Toronto, sit in the airport for 4 hours then take another flight to Montreal. Not a great way to end a romantic honeymoon in Paris/Tuscany. Orbitz said there was nothing they could do and blamed Air France and Air Canada for the screw up (Air France was flying us from Florence to Paris on the return). "Nothing we can do," is just a not so polite way of saying that if you're stupid enough to try to save 50 bucks on tickets by using Orbitz for complicated travel plans, you deserve whatever delays or hassles you receive.

Luckily for us, the representatives we spoke with at AirCanada had about the same opinion of online "travel agents" like Orbitz as we did...totally useless. I knew that AirCanada flew a direct flight out of Frankfurt to Montreal, and so I called them to try to reroute us. At first they tried to say the ticket couldn't be changed because we booked through Orbitz, after a few minutes of polite conversation they were happy to bend the rules and accommodate us. In the end all the representatives I spoke with (had to speak with three in the end because of technical difficulties) were the friendliest, most polite airline representatives I have ever come across. They even went so far as to get permission from Luftansa to fly us from Florence to Frankfurt, something they didn't have to do. In fact, they didn't have to do any of this, since technically they were right that because the ticket was booked through Orbitz, Orbitz had the ultimate responsibility, although they would never admit it.

The last AirCanada Representative not only finalized our changes, but offered to move us to better seats (although stopped short of a free upgrade), made sure we both had vegetarian meals for all of our flights, and gave some great tips about places to see in Tuscany.

The lesson in all of this is that not only does AirCanada rock, and Orbitz sucks, but if you're flying with complicated travel plans, it makes a lot of sense to book directly through the airline, otherwise you're at the mercy of these online "travel agents" that really just care about that volume and very little about customer service.

"Dude, wait till you hear about last night..."

Update: European regulators allow testing of cellphones on flights over the continent. Wow, that didn't take long.

Hushed conversations, smooth jazz leaking from foam headphones, a sniffling baby, the dings and bells of the airplane communication systems. Those sounds were what we the air traveling public could depend on being soothed or annoyed by for the last 30 years or so. With most "electronic devices" interfering with navigational instruments, the airline industry forced us to keep the noisiest amongst our gadgets off for most of our flights.

That was then (as in last week) and this is now. Emirates Airlines has taken a bold new step in air travel etiquette by allowing the first ever cellphone service during a commercial flight. It's just a matter of time until the rest follow. I mean, I love my cellphone as much as the next schmo, but even for me flying was really one of the last bastions of cellphone sanity. We knew that from wheels up to wheels down we were free from being forced into other peoples lives, their problems, their worries, their jobs, their insecurities, their humor, their inanity. We knew that we could spend an hour, or three, or sixteen, reading, sleeping, eating, thinking, staring, puking, crying, or anything else deemed acceptable behavior within the confines of that metallic tube at 35,000 feet.

I'm sad to have lost that space, the freedom to do nothing, to just sit on my ass (in my case, stare out the window for most of the flight). Maybe the airline industry can turn it into a marketing ploy as they have everything else. Now for just $10 extra you can sit in the newly minted "cellphone free zone". Honestly, I think I'd pay for it (as I am for the chips and nuts offered a $5 a pop on most flights). It beats being forced to hear the yammering from her, him, me and you.